I think I need to go back to therapy. I feel so awful and I don’t want to talk to anyone about it because I hate everyone.

I feel so alone even though I know I’m technically not. I just feel so isolated. And sick. Physically and emotionally sick. I want to puke and cry.

I’m so DONE with people in my life. I wish I had the balls to just completely cut you out of my life the way you cut me out of all of yours’. All that back and forth “I miss youuuuu!” bullshit is so worthless. I know I mean nothing to you and I hope you know that I feel the same. I hope one day we can stop all this and I can just walk away because right now, I don’t really like any of you.

I want so badly to do something about it but I don’t know what to do anymore. I ask God. He helps me. But I need instant gratification because I feel like I just can’t hold on long enough.

I want to leave. I just want to get in a car and drive as far as I can and then start all over again. I just need something new. Brand new. I need change. But I don’t know how to bring about it. I feel like I’m too young to feel the way I do because it seems as though all my problems can be fixed by adult things. I have to be 18 to move, 17 to drive away, 21 to go out and meet new friends, and thousands of years old to have the infinite wisdom to solve all my problems by myself.

If I can’t run away to escape my problems, then I just need one person to come see me and be my ear. Literally, just an ear. Do not speak while I vent to you. Don’t try to help me. Don’t vent back. Please, just be a container for my emotions. Somebody. Not over the phone, not on facebook, and certainly fucking not by texting. I need to see someone’s eyes understanding what I’m saying and probably watching me cry. Just to know that someone sees me alive.